Chapter 18- Jealousy & Happiness

<body topmargin=0 leftmargin=0 marginheight=0 marginwidth=0> <table cellpadding=0 cellspacing=0 border=0><tr> <td valign="top" colspan=2 height=125 BGCOLOR="#006699" TEXT="#080000" background="0c3085a3.jpg"> <div> <FONT SIZE="5" COLOR="#CCCCE4" FACE="Eurostile" ><B>                   Jamaica~Noamie's Negril.Com    </B></FONT><I> </I><FONT SIZE="3" COLOR="#CCCCE4" FACE="Eurostile" ><A HREF="index.htm" TARGET="_top" TITLE="Jamaica Noamies Negril.Com "><U>Home </U></A></FONT><FONT SIZE="4" COLOR="#CCCCE4" FACE="Eurostile" > </FONT><I>    </I></div> <div> Noamie's - Jamaican Tea Room...An Innovative Walk into Traveling & Reality </div> <div> West Cliffe<FONT SIZE="4" COLOR="#EEEEEE" FACE="Eurostile" >        </FONT></div> </td> </tr><tr> <td valign="top" width=210 BGCOLOR="#FFFFFF" TEXT="#080000" background="0c4d2e83.jpg"> <bR> </td> <td valign="top" height=355 BGCOLOR="#FFFFFF" TEXT="#080000"> <div> <I>Chapter 18- Jealousy & Happiness</I></div> <bR> <DIV ALIGN="LEFT"></DIV> <div> <B>Chapter Eighteen</B></div> <div> <B>Jealousy & Happiness</B></div> <bR> <div> <B><IMG SRC="1d368680.jpg" border=0 width="104" height="104" ALIGN="BOTTOM" HSPACE="0" VSPACE="0"></B></div> <bR> <div> <FONT SIZE="3" COLOR="#6666CC" FACE="Baskerville Old Face" ><B>    </B></FONT><B> </B><B>In the root of selfishness, lies envy. In the root of envy lies jealousy. There-in also lies a nest of evil.  To have witness the nest, as it cometh from ones own mother would cut even deeper. </B></div> <bR> <div> <B><U>The Root To Jealousy</U></B>:</div> <div> Most people assumed that jealousy is a simple act of malice. Ninety-eight percent of society thinks that the use of the world, 'they are just jealous' can so very easily be summed up as a simple word or act. It is with such emptiness, that few even or eve come to some greater degree of understanding that the word is not so empty, instead, it carried a dept and an enormous amount of weight that is embedded into deep evil, seated in false pride. The medical world views the word as a physiological disorder. Christians view the word as demonic and schizophrenia.</div> <bR> <div> Jealousy is dangerous. A person could break into another person, stranger's house and steal their belongings, rape them or otherwise kill them after the robbing. Society would later summed the incident up to the person been cruel and evil. Be as it may, society would never look at the incident of rape, killing as anything other than a bad crime. The truth is, that crime, that evil was the root of 'jealousy.' </div> <div>  </div> <div> Jealousy inhibited a nest. Brutal killing is nested in jealousy. A person does not have to know another person to display jealousy towards them. From a child I knew jealousy has its nest. I was to witness it in my sister Doreen's behavior and later in my mother. I would later learn that my mother hated me from the moment she sets her eyes on me; the very moment I came into the world, born to her. I could not understand her hating a baby, her very own child that she conceived and borne.</div> <bR> <div> Persons who are Paranoia have deep-seated jealousy in them and at the forefront. With Jealousy leading the way, comes the other evils: Envy; Suspicion; Distrust; metal-illness; madness; Insanity; Confrontations; Unfairness; Persecution; irrational thinking. Very often the question is asked; how did the person gets this way. What chiggers off this outburst, so to speak? What happen in a person's childhood?  </div> <bR> <div> There are times when childhood and growing up has absolutely nothing to do with a person who began to display behaviors of Jealousy. Social and environmental changes create jealousy. An individual sees these cultural, social and environmental changes as an opportunity to unleashed his evil behavior. </div> <div> Jealousy is covetousness. Jealousy is greed. Jealousy is Material lust that we are sometimes all too familiar with. However Jealousy doesn't stops there. Jealousy is self-deception; it is false pride, it is self-delusion and self-seduction. It is that roving lunatic that walks quietly beside you, with a smile on their face.  </div> <bR> <bR> <div> <U>Jealousy & Happiness</U>: </div> <div> It was back in 1973, that I would have gone to my grandparents to ask them a few questions. The first series of questions were about my mother. I wanted to know what she was like, as a child. I wanted to know what had driven her to this mental insanity. I was told that she was born with this very personality. That Dun was all about Dun, and from the time that she was a child. That she was always selfish and wanted to have everything her own way. In that "if Grandfather [Norman] brings a dozen mangoes home, Dun would demand all twelve, and insisted that they were all for her, and could none of the other seven or eight children get one." Thus, Grandmother was forced with the motherly task of taking a few from her, hands and grasp, and sharing with the other children, her, very sisters and brothers. In all things, such was her behavior over and over, and as if she hadn't learnt a thing.' Even when she was the apple of my grandfather's eyes, she was a trifling conniving, manipulating child, who would always have to have her own way, no matter what, irrespectively of who she wanted to hurt.</div> <bR> <div> My grandparents word to me that day, as they were living up in the Robinson Hill House was that:  "Noamie, you` mother is like that, and she 'naan' change. We had been through it with her from she born. Look how she lied on me and Norman with the cow 'dem'; even demanding cows that wasn't her's when she come -home from England. She 's the devil own self."   These words would have further led me to never ask the woman for my school lunch money more than twice. So much so, that for most of my school years, [except for when daddy was home from England] that I would forever get my lunch money from my grandparents. Too many times, my mother would later accused me of steal money from her.  </div> <bR> <div> Looking back, I could now picture her level of manipulation and how she did manage to get pregnant at the age of fourteen, even when that was an acceptable age. My oldest sister's father, now my stepfather is a very meek and quiet man. </div> <div> He was a lucky man back then, or was it his mother, the smart one, who sent him off to England, leaving this little devil in the making, in dysfunctional, this demon. Thus, my father came along, and bore the blunt of her wrath. What a pity! What and who would I have been then?  Actually, it was Winston Daley's other brother that she first had her eyes on. I wonder as to what the true story is behind my mother's cunning ways. However, I can see now the many ways that I have gotten us to this point and to my writing this memoirs.</div> <bR> <bR> <bR> <div> West Cliffe</div> <div> Chapter 18 </div> <div> Jealousy & Happiness: 128</div> <div>    </div> <bR> <bR> <bR> <div> Miss Campbell is actually a cousin of Grandmother Emma. Even with the darker-skinned complexion, they are close. Not living too far from either other, and with Miss Campbell, married to my grandfather Norman's cousin, Josiah Daley, who would know the true colours of Dun, everyone to include her own family blood-line. This, Miss Campbell would make sure  to leave me a plate of dinner, just in case it was another even where-in we would arrived home form school and Dun had no dinner for her children to eat. That lazy, conniving evil woman, should never have been a mother.  One really have to ask: "Who's a mother? "</div> <bR> <div> Questioning her about my birth: </div> <div> The questions that I had to ask my mother about my birth were true to my understanding of who I am and how I came to be. From her, I got the feeling that she even with having three, actually four; other children for my father did not want to be married. Somehow, she was or wanted to wait for this man, her infatuated love to return. However, when my father told her that they need to be married before I came to exist, she was angry. Thus, she carried that anger in her spirit, in her soul, up until the time that she would give birth to me that rainy October morning on the little rock-side, up in Retirement.  [What I learnt in 3005, five years later, from the date I wrote this].</div> <bR> <div> I was born on my grandmother's Emma's birthday, October 20. My cruel evil mother took a month and later went and registered me with a different birthday, my other sister Doreen's birthday. How could this have happen? Deliberate. </div> <bR> <div> I wasn't supposed to be registered as having the same birthday as my grandmother. I would know this real deep secret, kept by everyone until a year after my grandmother's death and burial, June 18, 2005. My son, Christopher handed me a memorabilia from the funeral. </div> <bR> <div> From her, my mother own lips, these words came that "she didn't like me when she saw me. I had a smile on my face and so she hated me." From her own lips, came the words that she hated me became, "she could see me say her name in  my eyes. This is  the only child Cleve began fussing about, even before you were born." </div> <bR> <div> One two occasions, while my peers were taking the Common Entrance Exam, I could not. For my mother, Mother Dearest had taken my birth certificate to England with her, and had refused to send it back. With all the begging, the evil conniving woman, called my mother would not yield. It was for Teacher Crook, Principal of Mt Airy who knew someone up in the ministry that with his efforts, I manage to get my birth certificate. The tricky thing was that my grandparent with the help of Teacher R.C. Crooks had applied for a new Birth record for me. Only they were using the name Noamie and with a birth date that the entire district and community knew to be October 20. There was no record that fit that. </div> <div> It was in a last ditch efforts, R.C. Crooks  asked the Ministry of Records, that the record of the last child born to Berrisford Bremmer and Cynthia Black-Bremmer be send to him, seeing I was the last child born to them in Jamaica, and in wedlock.  It was with this trying last resorts, and efforts that I came to have my birth certificate.   </div> <bR> <bR> <bR> <div> West Cliffe</div> <div> Chapter 18</div> <div> Jealousy & Happiness: 129</div> <div>            </div> <bR> <bR> <bR> <div> I recalled the day the birth certificate arrived to Teach Crooks. He looked at it, called me outside by the trough-like water fountain at the school, place it in my hands for me to read, took too puffs on his cigarette, shook his head, and walked up to his house and sat on his verandah.  I would now have to wait to sit the Grade Nine -Achievement Test as I have passed the Common Entrance age limit.</div> <div>  </div> <div> My mother  hid my true birth-certificate  for all the years that she was in England. </div> <div> Upon her return to Jamaica in 1968, she hid my birth-certificate. She would later take my birth-certificate with her, once again to the United States of America in 1970, in an all out efforts to hinder me. </div> <bR> <div> It was with the help of Miss Laurel Barrett and Teacher Crooks, that I was able to pass my  Grade Nine-Achievement Test and move on to Manning's High School. Most people would have gossip about Miss Laurel and daddy, however, none knew of the connections, as Miss Laurel became the mediator. The years and times when Dun wouldn't give me any lunch money, Miss Laurel would tell me to  go in her hand-bag and get some money. She took good care of me. Thus, I was never without a mother figure. Thus my fond for her, and her for me. Even after she had a daughter,  a child of her own; I was still hers to keep.</div> <bR> <div> I was in the care of my grandparent up until, the time she left for England to join my father. It was with this same insaneness of behavior that for the seven years of their stay in England that my father never gets to see a picture of what I look like. Until that night in late August  12, of 1968, upon his return from England.</div> <bR> <DIV ALIGN="LEFT"></DIV> <div> <B><IMG SRC="1d368680.jpg" border=0 width="104" height="104" ALIGN="BOTTOM" HSPACE="0" VSPACE="0"></B></div> <bR> <bR> <div> <TABLE BORDER="2" CELLPADDING="1" CELLSPACING="1" WIDTH="688" BORDERCOLORLIGHT="#C0C0C0" BORDERCOLORDARK="#808080" FRAME="BOX" RULES="ALL" HSPACE="0" VSPACE="0" > <tR> <tD VALIGN=CENTER BGCOLOR=#000000 HEIGHT= 57 WIDTH="678"><div> <I><B>This site and its pages are Copyright 1998-2008. Noamie's Negril- Jamaican Tea Room. All Rights Reserved. Web site Designed by: Noamie</B></I></div> <bR> </tD> </tR> </TABLE></div> <bR> </td> </tr></table></body>