Persons who are Paranoia have deep-seated jealousy in them and at the forefront, so to speak. With Jealousy leading the way, comes the other evils: Envy; suspicion; distrust; metal-illness; madness; insanity; confrontations; unfairness; persecution; irrational thinking.

Very often the question is asked; how did the person gets this way. What chiggers off this outburst, so to speak? What happen in a person's childhood? There are times when childhood and growing up has absolutely nothing to do with a person who began to display behaviors of Jealousy. Social and environmental changes create jealousy. An individual sees these cultural, social and environmental changes as an opportunity to unleashed his evil behavior.

Jealousy is covetousness. Jealousy is greed. Jealousy is material lust that we are sometimes all too familiar with. However Jealousy doesn't stops there. Jealousy is self-deception; it is false pride, it is self-delusion and self-seduction. It is that roving lunatic that walks quietly beside you, and with a smile on their face. Jealousy inhibited a nest. Brutal killing is nested in jealousy.

A person does not have to know another person to display jealousy towards them. From a child I knew jealousy has its nest. I was to witness it in my sister, Doreen's behavior and later in my mother. I would later learn that my mother hated me from the moment she sets her eyes on me; the very moment I came into the world, born to her. I could not understand her hating a baby, her very own child that she conceived and borne. Jealousy is schizophrenia. I wrote similar words regarding my mother; however, they are worth repeating here, and for good reasons.

It was after a failed attempted murder on my life, ordered and paid for by Ricky Jackson in 1997 that I would agreed to meet with him in 1998. It wasn't that I wanted to, it was that I was in college, and the inconveniences of having my home broken into, invaded, and my personal belonging taken, that I wanted to meet with him and to see what was so urgent. Dropping out of my college classes, would have cost me dearly, as my financial obligation would have place me in an automiatic default position. At the moment in time, I wanted to live, and for my son, whom Ricky knew was in Jamaica and he could use as bait. Ricky's father, Jimmy Jackson had already informed my family up in Orange Hill of his intention to have my son kidnapped and kill. While I wasn't fearful, fearful of both these men; my human side wasn't so sure of the two lunatic's behavior.

From past experience, I am and was mindful that there could not have been any matter too pressing that needed my attention, and coming from him. It was his way of wanting attention, my attention after his assumption that perhaps once again; I had frown upon him and scorned him. After all, he is king; he's Don.

I met with Rickie May 1998. I was curious to know what his wanting to meet with me was about. What was so urgent. We had set up an appointment time for 8:00PM at the Coral Seas Garden, one of his resort property. I was busy all that day, as I was down to the island on a business trip with the JTB, and I was due to leave the island the next day. I had received numerous messages that he wanted to talk with me. I finally decided to be bold and meet with him. It turns out that he needed to get some things off his chest, so to speak. It had nothing to do with me, however, I guess, I was the only person who truly knew the root of the issues.

He was terrible upset that his father had given away the Negril Tree House when it didn't belong to him solely in the first place. I asked him, if he had talked to his father about it. He said they met, his father insulted him, address him as if "he was a boy" and then walked off. It was clear to me that Rickie wanted back his millions that were used to build the cottages. Jimmy had signed over the Tree-House to his American Wife Gail, as part of some deal.

Jimmy was a broke bastard without a dime to his name, and especially after his other partner had pulled-out of the deal with owning Tree House immediately after the land was bought and the original Tree House went up. The partners were Gail's cousins from Chicago.

The truth is: I didn't laugh, however, I didn't tell Rickie that it was OK either. I always believe the saying, "A thief from a thief, God laugh!" I though to myself that Rickie already had enough so what was the big deal. I realize after he told me the rest of his feeling. He truly hated his father's young American wife, and all the reasons behind the hating. I promise myself to not meet with him again. I had enough of listening. It was time for me to leave their world behind, and move away. That Christmas, as I was in Jamaica enjoying my Christmas with my son, I got a cussing for wanting to be free from all the Jackson's mess.

I arrive back in the United States, January 4, 1999, and that was when the verbal fighting began with Jimmy and I. Ricky too. It was my right to not want to hear or be bother with what was going on between the two of them. I have a family and my own personal life to live. Jimmy was upset that I did not come to the Tree House to visit him. When I was told in this manner; " How come you didn't go look fe` Jimmy. Him vex with you with fe that," I just shuck my shoulder. It was time for me to be free, if ever that was possible. It was no longer my responsibility to hold the peace between them. Furthermore, I was about sick of the two of them threatening anyone who tried to date me.

We are in the month of May. May as you know is a critical month. It is the month when the devil strikes, and strikes dangerously. I am forever reciting the 23rd Psalm, as someone needs this protection. Perhaps it is me, or someone I know. It may even be a stranger, nevertheless, the bible teaches us to take care of strangers.

I saw him Jimmy called Ricky aside to talk with him. It was obvious that Ricky was 'in pain' and hurting from seeing me with my husband. No doubt, Daddy Jimmy was putting the final touch to his devious schemes. It was all too obvious to everyone at the public dance. Later the following week, Monday, three men came into the yard, in an attempt to kidnap me.

My husband awoke as he spotted the men. He had warned me that night that 'something bad was going to take place in the yard that night. I asked my husband, how did that came about. He stated that the warning came to him. Sure enough, it was true.

It is easy to see why Jimmy's wife would go through all the trouble to call the FBI on me twice, in 1999, claiming that I am involved with drug dealers in Negril. Who was the man she claimed that I was involved with? None other than Ricky Jackson. The FBI did showed up , and as a courtesy to me, as all along they have been tracking my where-about and for good reasons. The way, that I would have come to warn my own people of their visits to Obeah-man and inviting evil spirits into their home and their community is the way, I had tried to advise them about running to inform on their own, thus inviting the DEA into their back-yard. The old song that say: You' bad-minded, you jealousy, you covetousness, you evil -minded, you murderous.' My very presence in my own country became a threat to both Jimmy and Ricky.

Ms. Bertha: Noamie, can I asked you a question. [And] Please don't answer me in parables either. I want the truth. Was there a relationship between you and Jimmy Jackson? What happen between the two of you? I have learnt from his daughter Janet that he stated that you broke his heart. What was that all about? Come on now Noamie, there were lots of rumors. Can you please be honest and tell me the truth. I also learned that you are the centre of the riff between him and his son Ricky, a riff that cannot be fix, that you alone hold the key. Why aren't you telling.

Ms. Bertha: We are going to come back to this in a little while, however, for now I want to make, or should I say bring in another person to talk about here with you, if you don't mind. I want to talk to you about Ricky Jackson. You had a similar connection with him; father and son. How did that came about? And what happen, because I was to witness a whole lot of things that needed some serious explanation. I was unable to get neither of the two to talk about you. Instead, whenever your name came up, they would walk away. Yet, I always caught the strong look or should I say expressions of things that left me more puzzled that ever after. I don't see hate, and yet I don't see love. I see a blankness, pain , a sort of the middle of the road expression in them.

Ms. Bertha: Noamie, I have waited a long time to get this information, to have this dialogue from you. After all, you are the only person that know these other two people. Of course, what you are truly willing to tell.

I went to Derricks wedding. I did not attend the church ceremony part of it. However, my uncle Tal, Val and wives, picked me up for the reception. No sooner had I got there that Rickie came to demand that I take a seat beside him. Well, sociable me was not about to do that. Plus, I had to inform him that he did bring his little girlfriend with him and the polite and respectable thing for him to do, was to stay and stick by her. Of course, I had my own plans. There were too man men there for me to flirt with, and I was not about to give one man my attention. Not this girl! It was then that a lady who would identify herself as Cherry McKetty came over to where I was standing in the back and told me that Jimmy Jackson wanted to speak to me. I asked her, who she was, and that was how I learnt her name. Then I asked her which Jimmy Jackson. She said the one from Negril Tree House. I told her that he was not at the wedding reception and that she was lying.

Ms. McKetty informed me that she was no errand girl and that a woman of her status do not go telling anyone any message just for any and any body. Whitey was standing two feet away and said that indeed Jimmy was at the reception and is over by the bar. Rickie Jackson was watching from a distance. I glance in his direction. He said go. I asked Cherry if Jimmy said what he wanted. She laughs and said no, while giving me this look as saying; " Be for real, you think he would tell me that." I went over to where he was. The man was in tears.

I told him that we, meaning Ricky and I, weren't together. He asked me how did it happen. I told him it was a mistake, and I did take responsibility for it. Never the less, the damage was done. During this time, Jimmy was drinking shots after shots of whatever Wiltie had to pour him....straight.

I was still standing there when he sent my Uncle Norris up to the Tree House for more liquor. After all, all the well-wishers at Derrick's Wedding had already drink -out and or looth the bar. Well, he talked and I listed. He insisted that he would be the one taking me home that night. Later, that would become a problem.Then he went to something else. He stated that he came to see me. I asked how did he know that I would be there. He told me that he knew I would come. I asked him why didn't he bring his wife. He said she wasn't with him. I asked him why he didn't bring his girlfriend Lollie (I knew Lollie. She is cool with me).

He said he came alone so that he could have this talk with me. I asked him why here, with all these people and knowing full well the rumors. He told me he came so that he could be with me and talk with me. However, with him drunk (watch my mouth, expression), and still drinking, my time was pretty much taken up with him. Jimmy, once again, managed to ruin my evening.

When it was time for us to leave, of course my heart was in my mouth all the way to Orange Hill. Luckily we drove the short cut road, and in no time, I was home. Yet, it was in the jeep that he tried to pour out his soul to me. Things that did make sense and things that didn't. Those that didn't was, because, I had long since lend a deft ear to people like Jimmy Jackson. I had no feeling for him and I didn't care. I was not about to care now either. I have a heart, however, [but] not for people like Jimmy Jackson.

That night I did felt sorry for one person: His daughter Janet who he stated that he now dislike for telling his son what he had confided in her. He could not wait to get back up to the Negril Tree House to attack Janet. "That night for the first time, I saw Jimmy's weakness; a broken man. A man bent on distruction, and would be to the point of no return. I had warned Lollie. I told her, "two of us got away, as I laugh and drove away. As for things, the damage was already done. Rickie was truly hurt and so was he. Nothing could mend the hearts of these two people. I was neither the victim or the victor. I only did the damage, and would now let the future take its course."

Jimmy went back to the Negril Tree House that night and threw his daughter out. I did not understood the extend of the roll she played in the triangle mess, however, I was to find out, even after I stood to defend her. She had gone and told her brother what her father had confided in her. Well, According to Jimmy, that was a betrayal from his daughter, that he would never forget or forgive.

When I walked in the house, my grandmother who was waiting up for me asked me who brought me home. I told her Jimmy, and that he had insisted. Grandmother asked me where was Ricky. I told her just what Ricky had told me, which was to stay put until he return from dropping his companion he brought at the reception home. I was laughing of course.

What a mess, and what is a woman like me to do. I think that it was wise to have left when we did. Well, I was to have learnt that a few people had timed my going home, and therefore, know that no threshing could have taken place between us from the reception hall to my home. What a life! Shit, was all I could say.

That is/was why Rickie knew that I was the only person that he could talk with about the farce battle between father and daughter in the court about a car she took to Jamaica for him. I had refuse to get involved. I could have gotten Jimmy to leave things be, however, I was not about to allow myself to be a part of the bargaining tool in the matter. To me Janet was rude and disrespectful, in her own rights.

Noamie: Furthermore, I didn't care for Janet's personality, and therefore, why help her? I would allow her to feel the full extend of her father's wrath. Rickie came to me, about it, hoping that I would have gone to Jimmy, and have him to leave Janet be, however, all I did was listen. I wanted no part in the matter.

Noamie: Come on! If someone is in love with me, then show me, tell me. I don't read minds, and furthermore, the same way men judge women when they want to enter into a relationship with them, is the same way that I judge men.

Noamie: I didn't run away. He insulted me one day, and I left. Then he didn't want me to have a boyfriend and so I had to go. The Jackson's Clan is a "rare breed of people." My grand Aunt call them.."the nine-hole breed" meaning that they are a family to be cautious of. So what the hell am I doing in that family, anymore than my grandfather's cousin Aunt berzella had already suffer at the hand of Jefta.

Let's face it, for too long, men are allow to feel as if they are the one who has the upper hand when it comes to who make the final decision about getting into a relations. For the most part, women always get drifted into these partnership, with little to no choices. For me, that rule do not apply. If someone propose to me, I just don't jump up and say yes. I will ask a series of questions. Then I will and has always say: Let me think about it. Which is really buying me time to weigh the situation. In the end, I always do the turning down.

I was there the day the first stone got laid for the Tree House Foundation. I stay and work in establishing many things. Jimmy manage to acquire a lot of the first set of deals because of me. Because I was there. Because this was the first business in Negril that someone from Orange Hill would have established. So we all wanted it to succeed. However, when he started to become cocky, the name Tree House would come to take on new meaning for most of the Orange Hill people. Look around and you can see how many of them now frequent the Negril Tree house. That is the only part that saddens me, I can tell you honestly.

Noamie: A lot of people are too. However, while the Town of Orange Hill may hold back their anger and hostility, they do know when to strike back. Because everyone is related in some form, they are a very close-knit set of people. And so I always warn strangers to not take them for granted.

Ms. Bertha: Noamie, me 'fraid a Orange Hill people them, so me` know just what you talking about. I think that you do get alot of respect up there, and that is why I was glad to interview you and do this piece. To have this piece of history, not recorded, would have been a sin. I think that the generations to follow, would have appreciated this information, in been able to understand what and how Orange Hill got reshaped. After all, Orange Hill is now known all over the world and for many things. Thanks to the internet too.

Ms. Bertha: You are not blushing, are you? Tell me about that evening. The drama amongst the three of you stole the show( the reception highlights, or should I say; that was what make the reception so interesting. You and the famous Ricky his father all in one place. I think more people were there watching all three of you than were they there to enjoy the wedding.

Ms. Bertha: I do have a confession to make after this. However that can wait. I was disappointed that you weren't at Michele's wedding. We all wanted to see that show, and the crowd and everything else that your presence always draw.

Noamie: This day Sept, 2001, I decided to use the Negril Spot road to go up unto the hill and to our family property. This meeting is long overdue. I having receive all his messages of him wanting to meet with me. I told the driver to stop the car. He knows all about us. He yelled for Jimmy. I did five times. He had refused to turn around. He had refused to look in my face. Funny, he was the one who had requested this meeting. Cas' laugh as we drove away. I guess that the truth would have been too much. I guess his threat of kidnapping my son to force a meeting between us got its reward. He was too ashame to look me in the face. Jimmy would come to kow that he had puch things too far, and to the point of no return.

Abandon by his father at a young age, this little boy, it was one day that the mother, she too mentally ill and hopeless, would travel with him and his sister to the home of the grandmother. Hungry dirty, and under-nourished, they arrived with their mother. The mother having come to leave them off with their grandmother, the only one she knew who would accept them, unwillingly.

Because I harbor no hate, as in me is found no hate, I decided was to channel my energy into finding out what happen to this person. Why the hate? Why the maniac behavior? Why the middle of the night visits. Why? Why?

One woman whom, on a bus trip from Sav-la-mar in a minivan told me how he picked her up one night intended on giving her a ride, only to drive away into the darkness, and began tearing off her blouse, after she had refused to cooperate. Even though she knew of my connection with him; she didn't mind. We shared stories while sitting together in a public mini-van ride from Sav-la-mar to Negril.

His short life with his mother was not easy either. His mother mental state of "sporadic madness, mental illness" did not help. She too had showered her share of abuse upon him. Yet, that was the only mother he knew. Until his grandmother was force to took him in. His father left his mother, abandoning them for another woman, whom he had a short fling with. His father was a serious womanizer and still is. His father, having left for England without even saying goodbye. Thus, he knew no fatherly bond. Rickie lean to harbor hate, anger, resentment.It is that pain that Rickie carries, and into adulthood, concealing it in the pockets of his mind. Is a world all too familiar to his family, and where he too will learn to carry the `mental illness' that plagues from within.

At school, he hears others talk about their father. He saw them with gifts. He has no father. No parcels came from England. He wears only what his grandmother could afford for him and his sister. Yet, he kept his pain to himself. I remember, watching his face one lunch-time hour at school, a long time ago. I saw something there, which I was puzzled about. Yet, as time went on, I seem to not take that look so serious. He grew up. Later his uncle stole his first girlfriend. It seems as if he always had to be satisfy with second best.

He began modeling his life after my father, the man he had come to know as a role model for him. The man, my father who would travel far off to bail him out of jail. The man he admired. Yet, I knew from his own spoken words, the pain within. He hurts, as a boy should. I cannot make excuses for him. I will not make excuses for him. It wasn't until the 1977-78 when Ganja became a big hit up in orange Hill, and the boy father needed money to build a resort, that the low-life bastard seek out a way to get this money on that 'crocus-bag of American dollars' that good old daddy knew he had a son, name Patrick. What an a excuse from a pathetic human being.

When I was twelve years of age, he had his eyes set on me. I remember that day, the look on his face, and the glance of his eyes underneath that gennip tree under the hillside of West Cliffe great house. I knew I looked like my grandmother, and people had admired her beauty, so I am used-to seeing glances at me. I came to learn of his inner pain when all I could hear, and even as he would seek me out, even in the late hours of darkness, that his words would flow; showered upon me, of his hurt. Yet, when morning breaks, he became a new and different person, all quiet, all calm.

P.S. At Mt. Airy School Rickie never stop fighting my brother Honey for his lunch money. In so many ways, he still tries to fight my brother for other things. Rickie excuse now is that Honey had slept with a woman of his, a white woman named, Suzanne. When I asked, which Susanne, I was alarmed to hear that it "was one of a few Susanne. Ironic enough, I would stumble into a Suzanne here in Connecticut, who knew my brother. The year was 1980. Only, she wouldn't talk. She was in Protective custody of the US government. On one of her many trips back from Jamaica, she got caught with `hash-oil.` Her father who was best of friend with CIA director William Webster got out off. It wasn't without a price. She had exposed all the activities that she had been engaged in, up in Orange Hill and where she had stayed: Up at Uncle Miah's house, during the time when Myers and Honey had the house all to themselves.

I asked the grandmother why they stop talking. What happen? Well, he hates the uncle who took his first girlfriend away from him. While he loved his grandmother dearly, he could not separate the hate from the love. He is a confused child in a grown-up body.

The woman I admired so much, the woman who cried for me, as she poured out her hearts pain to me. It was after talking with her that I would take lonely walks to West Cliffe, to diffuse the information that she felt she needed to have me hear. It was during these times, that I would learn of my family relations to her. I remember the day she gave me the news that I grasped in disbelieve. Then she consoled me by telling me that there's no blood ties between us. Growing up in Orange Hill, the rule was, to marry someone from there, this town, and no outsider. For him, I was breaking the rule, and he was not about to allow it. Thus, I would become his obsession. His false pride would later get in the way. I asked his Grandmother where did she thinks he went wrong, in what had caused this great turn around. I went to talk with his father; he just walked away, avoiding the subject all together. Later, I asked him why he made a videotape of her, in a `sexual-disgraceful' position with him. At first he didn't answer, as if saying to me, you already know the story.

Here's his story: She didn't want him when he had nothing. Therefore, she went to his uncle. Now she wants him for materialistic things. Now he sees her for what she is. I didn't until now, would come to realize and to the degree that I had become a psychotherapist. No wonder some psychologist commit suicide. For the things that a therapist has to listen to, at times, is far beyond the norms. Smart, brilliant and in his own way, having arrived, he is delicate in some way, and in other can be vicious and violent.

His grandmother and I held many conversations. Conversations that he was all too aware of. Somehow, she wanted to talk, and I was there to listen. She cried. She will cry until the day she died. I didn't know of her death until month later, and after my son was born. No one told me.

For I know that her spirit was with me. It was my strange dream that prompted me to ask. It was then that I was told that indeed she died three month prior. It was a night, not so late, about 10:00 PM when I sense the presence of a supernatural being. I looked but could not see. Later, as I slept, I heard her gentle voice in my ear, telling me that she came, she came to see the beautiful baby. Puzzled, that I would hear her voice in such a manner, I inquired from one of my cousin, after telling him, that I had this strange dream, and although, she was not on my mind, at the moment, least someone would think that I 'thought this up' was when he told me of her death. Well, I was glad she came. For around me is that "aura" of spiritual strength, and all that which protects me. I hold no fear.

I arrived in Jamaica, in Negril, and decided that I would visit him, after his many requests. Furthermore, he had requested my presence, and I have become som-what anxious at the urgency of his request. I will wait for the Tuesday or the Thursday for my visit. Those are our unwritten rules. Our connection is different. Even I do not understand some of the intricate part of our friendship (connection).There were times when I had to really asked him as to what role I am suppose to be playing now, just so that I could practice my part, as if we are in a play, and I must know my lines in order to be able to carry out my role in the whole of things. Somehow, I don't always follow the script, or understood the script that I am supposed to be following. Something's are shocking to me. I remember him coming to find me, to tell me before anyone else does, that "he had fathered a child by a prostitute." I told him what was expected of me, in that I was not mad at him for doing that. What else was I suppose to say? Nothing! And except,' God help me, Noamie the psychotherapist!'

From all of this, the pieces of his life, his grandmother and I, had tried to put the pieces of his life together, and as to why he would find me, to singled me out for "the obsession" that he has been driven to carry out. I remember him telling a lady once, that he would give me the world; yet I never ask for anything from him. That makes him angry. Yet, many would go begging money from him using my name and would get it. Then they would come back, find me to tell me what they have done, just in case, he asked. If only they knew that he already know that which we both know. I desire nothing from him.

Rule number two~ Do not; under any circumstances allow him to see me talking with another man. Just in case he must learn that they get more of my attention than he does, and laughs at him. Under no circumstances must the Godfather be allowed to become ashamed again in this manner.

Rule number three~ Bow down and worship him, submitting myself to him. He is god, he is king. He is the Godfather. Well, here is where there's trouble. Thus, the driven forces of 'darkenness', in his quest and trying to control me; my mind. Thus the fight. These constants fight. This war wherein everyone stood and watch. Where darkness and light meets, wherein, I hold no fear. How did I became the object of his anger, is where in I am most baffled.

On different occasions, he assured me that I am the only woman that ever truly loves him, without any financial attachments. While on the other hand, here is a guy, driven to destroy me, and by all means. I had was to ask him, on different occasions, why, as to why he assumes that I wanted nothing from him. He told me, "he knew!"

This was the only answer that he would give to me. I had long since conclude that indeed, I have the riches, and I have something he wanted from me, something's that money cannot buy. For this I search for answers. I went in search of the meaning of the word ~pain.~

Why in God's name is he so determine in his quest to, inflicting' pain upon me, a person whom he states love him in spite of, and whom he had centered upon, the desire of his heart. Where is the connection? There are times when I can see on his face that he is feeling sorry for me. Feeling sorry in the form of saying; " look what I have taken the time to be doing to this woman."

In order for peace to reign even in my life, and for his sanity, I have granted him, many of his wishes. I cannot and do not have the power to turn back the hands of time, to take away some of his pain, his tortuous life of a child. I only desire my happiness, and to channel positive energy from my beautiful self, me been me. Somehow, this man made the word 'pain' a joyful word. While, I had shown no personal interest in him, yet

I was not about to put him down, nor was I a part-taker in their criticism against him. What I thought of him, for many years, I had kept to myself. It was in my best interest. I recalled one day, in 1990, that as Jonathan called me over. He was frying fish in his kitchen, by the shop, and I was walking by. Jonathan call me up into the kitchen and in a hush voice, we spoke, discreetly. He told me of the remarks that were made, and it having gotten back to 'this man ear,' and thus its effect upon him. I assured him Jonathan, that I had nothing to do with any of it, and indeed that was the God's truth.

Later, Derris came to me about the said remarks that he too had overheard. Again, I told him the same words that I told Jonathan. What none knew is that all of this wasn't new to me either. We fought in a furious deadly manner.